I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hippo gnu deer
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
