make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
