Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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