literally had 100 drinks last night.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
