My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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