As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
