i'm signing you up for texting rehab
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
