So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
