I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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