$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
