angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
