what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
