I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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