I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
