question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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