she smelled like a LAN party
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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