Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
