I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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