Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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