I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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