I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize