I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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