Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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