Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
