she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
