OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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