if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
