If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
why is half of my head shaved?
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