4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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