There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
