This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
