Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
