Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
