im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
