Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
