Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
