now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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