I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
