Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
operation harelip BJ is a go
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
