Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
