then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
