i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
