After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
