You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
