he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
