please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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