She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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