i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
