I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This baby is an asshole
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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