When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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