I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
