She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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