oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
