I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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