He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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