if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
