when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
