There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
