I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize