Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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